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Thinking Errors That Cause Anxiety

anxiety

Wherever You Go, There You Are is a wonderful book on mindfulness written by Jon Kabat-Zinn. It reminds us that we cannot escape our thinking and that no matter what we do, our mindset goes with us. We can try to run away from ourselves by vacationing, shopping, eating and so on however, it is still you who is doing all of those things.

The Anxious Mental Narrative

For those of us who experience anxiety, our mental narrative tends to be skewed to the negative disproportionally and inappropriately. Since our thoughts are often not realistic and instead fabrications of our over-active and often destructive imagination, our lives get tossed around like a leaf blowing in a windstorm. We end up feeling overwhelmed and in a state of panic by the narrative that we are playing in our minds. We spend more energy and time reviewing what may be showing up as opposed to enjoying the beauty and peace of the present moment.

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Fear of Failure

fear

Are you ready to take that step forward towards something new, untried, and adventurous? Do you find yourself imagining your desired future and then pulling back when it is time act? Why is it that some people see all the reasons why not to do something instead of all the reasons why to do something? 

To be able to embrace our future in ways different from our past, we must be ok with uncertainty, the unknown, and the untested. For a lot people however, the fear of failure is a huge barrier that holds them back from this new way of experiencing life. This is especially true for entrepreneurs. Entrepreneurs are so closely entangled with their business that their identity and ego are immersed in their venture. When things do not go as they desired, it can feel that they are broken at their core. It can be devastating, and it can be paralyzing.    

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Therapy or NLP Life Coaching?

nlp coaching

Often, I get asked what NLP life coaching is and how is it different from therapy. I thought it would be a good idea to start off the new year answering this question. 

What is NLP Coaching?

NLP coaching is founded on the principle that excellence in communication can be achieved by anyone. It delivers this excellence through a set of modern techniques that build powerful and transformation results. NLP coaching focuses on the communication between individuals, groups and self. The communication with self, which determine our core beliefs, self-talk, and ultimately how we feel, is the primary focus of my particular coaching practice. Essentially, NLP coaching allows for quick and powerful changes in beliefs and emotional states that no longer serve the person. These changes lead to more motivation, less stress and worry, improved mood and more clarity around what needs to be done.   

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Four Suggestions For A Stress-Free Christmas

stress-free christmas Karen Spencer it can be different out of the woods wellness york region

The Christmas season is a time of seemingly endless gatherings with family and friends, celebrations at the office, and entertaining at home.  All of this anticipation can be exhilarating; however it can also be anxiety provoking due to the unrealistic expectation to create the “best Christmas ever.” The most wonderful time of the year can easily turn into the most exhausting time of the year. And this can lead to January burn out, regret and financial burden. I have come to appreciate how important planning and prioritizing is to reduce the probability of having a Christmas that is not all that jolly and actually a bit melancholy.

Here are some of my best suggestions for a stress free Christmas:

Set Realistic Expectations

The sooner you understand that the holidays don’t have to be perfect, the better. There is no perfect Christmas. That concept is reserved for the Hallmark TV  Channel only. Families change and grow and so traditions come and go. Choose the one or two celebrations that are meaningful enough to hold onto. Then allow space to create new traditions that serve your family as it is in the present.

Plan Ahead

As with all tasks, if you plan ahead the chances of success are higher than if you wing it. Christmas is no exception. Set aside specific days for activities like shopping, baking, visiting, decorating and so on. That will prevent last minute scrambling. Also, by having a plan you are more apt to say no to activities that would leave you feeling resentful and overwhelmed.

Set a budget and stick to it!

Before you spend any money on the holidays, decide how much you can afford to spend and then portion that amount between all of the necessities such as gifts, food, entertaining, travel, etc. There is nothing more anxiety-provoking than the January credit card statements if December was managed poorly. Preplanning your spending and refusing to buy into the message: happiness is a mountain of presents, are necessary defences. Realize that there are a lot of ways to spend less money on gifts and yet still show that you care. Things like a gift exchange or Secret Santa is a great way to reduce the financial burden of gift giving. Homemade gifts are meaningful and can be very special to the person receiving them. Donating to charities is also becoming a popular alternative to actual store-bought presents.

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Karen Spencer

Master Neuro Linguistic Programming (NLP) Practitioner and Coach, Master Time Line Therapy® Practitioner, Master Hypnotherapist

It Can Be Different

 

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You Can Escape Christmas Stress

christmas stress

Christmas is a prime time for feeling like everything is spiraling out of control. There is so much to get done in a relatively short period of time. Patience seems to be in short supply and nerves become frazzled. Everyone has a story about how much they have yet to get done before Christmas Eve – shopping, wrapping, decorating, visiting family and friends, attending Christmas concerts and parties. Then there are those pesky year-end work targets that hang over the celebrations and damped the mood like Scrooge.

When the pressure in our lives begins to build, like it does at Christmas, our minds can start to spin, and it becomes hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel. But the light is there and sometimes, all you need to do is shift a little to see it.  So, how does one actually “shift”? By escaping.

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Reclaiming Leisure Time

time

A few days ago, I was listening to a local radio station and caught an interview with a mother and her young son. They were challenging each other to go the entire weekend without engaging in any screen time. The rules of the challenge were no cell phones, no tablets, no television, no email, and most importantly, no social media from Friday evening to Monday morning. Instead, they were to engage in reading, face-to-face conversations, playing board games, going for walks together etc. I found the interview to be delightful. The interaction between the mother and son was lively and full of well-intentioned kidding.

It left me wondering however, what would I have thought of the interview if I heard it 10 years earlier? I believe that ten or so years ago, I would have thought the idea of choosing to fill down time with reading or walking as a stretch or a challenge to be crazy or ridiculous. That led me to further wonder about what has happened to our leisure time in the last decade. Do we even have free time anymore?

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Combating Low Self-Esteem

Do you ever wish you felt better about yourself? Would you say that you have low self-esteem? Do you feel like you are constantly bombarded by upsetting thoughts? Mostly about yourself and your inability to get anything done or even started? If you have a history with anxiety then the answers to these questions are most likely yes.

What is common amongst people with low self-esteem is that they are generally motivated to avoid disappointment as opposed to focused on achievement. As a result, they get locked in inaction.

This inaction is often rooted in perfectionism because perfectionism encourages you look at what is wrong and not at what is going well. Perfectionism is toxic. It holds back anyone who wants to make a positive impact on their life, family, community, and the world.

Low self-esteem and perfectionism both sound like this: “I can’t look for my ideal job because I don’t think I am good enough.” Or perhaps, “I can’t start online dating because I haven’t lost those last 10 pounds.”

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My 2019 Resolution: Slow Down Time

New Years slow down time Karen Spencer it can be different out of the woods wellness york region

I have a lofty goal for 2019. I want to make time slow down. You may be thinking that I’ve had a little too much spiked eggnog over the holidays, sadly I did not. I have however, been thinking about this goal for a long time and I realize that it is not as “impossible” as it may seem. Let me explain.  

When I was a kid time seemed limitless. Everyday passed by very slowly. The days leading up to Christmas seemed to drag. Summer vacation was painfully long and I couldn’t wait to go back to school to see my friends. I’ve always been curious about why these feelings have left me as I’ve gotten older. Why is it that since I’ve grown up, time seems to have sped up? 

I have come to realize that it all boils down to perception. Sadly, by the time we are seven years old, half of our perceived life is over. That is why it is so common to hear (and say), “I can’t believe it is (insert any month of the year) already?” 

So how can I change my perception of time so that it actually feels like it’s slowing down? 

Reintroduce Newness 

One of the reasons time seems so slow for children is that all of their experiences are new. As we age, our experiences tend to become routine and as a result our brain begins to blur them together. However, the good news is that it doesn’t matter what age we are, trying something new wakes up the brain. So, this year I am going to try to do something new every week. Ideas that I’ve already considered are: trying new recipes, driving new routes, and learning to knit.  

Practice Curiosity 

Curiosity is a muscle, if we don’t use it, we will lose it. Being curious means clearing your mind of preconceived notions, assumptions and any strongly held habits. Here is the test I took to check on the state of my curiosity – How many uses of a shoe can I imagine? I could only come up with twelve. Truly curious people can think of hundreds! And, curiosity is key to slowing down time, because using our minds for creation allows us to be in the present moment. Being in the moment means that we are not jumping into the future and fantasizing about how we’d like things to go, or delving into the past and focusing about how things were. In the present moment, time stands still.  

So what can I do to become curious again in 2019?

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Karen Spencer

Master Neuro Linguistic Programming (NLP) Practitioner and Coach, Master Time Line Therapy® Practitioner, Master Hypnotherapist

It Can Be Different

 

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Organization Can Be a Stress Reducer

organization can reduce stress Karen Spencer it can be different out of the woods wellness

I get asked all the time for quick and easy ways to reduce everyday stress. My answer is always the same: get organized. Putting effort into organization, especially if you can organize multiple areas of your life, can reduce stress levels in the long term by requiring less last-minute scrambling in a variety of everyday situations. The result can also bring on a sense of empowerment. You will be able to look forward to events as “exciting,” instead of “overwhelming” or “stressful.” Keeping your stress response from being triggered can minimize or eliminate negative reactions to situations, and result in an overall calmer state of being

For many however, getting organized can be quite difficult and confusing. For example, how organized is enough? Does organized mean that every minute of every day is scheduled? What are the most important areas of life to organize?

Where to Start

The following are two areas where good organization can bring about the greatest benefit:

Your House:

A house filled with clutter and disorganization can drain your energy and cause a lot of wasted effort attempting to get even the simplest of tasks done. Did you know that household clutter can also drain you in other ways? Clutter can drain your finances when you end up repurchasing items you thought were lost but were merely misplaced. And clutter can certainly drain your time as you spend wasted minutes or maybe even hours sifting through your possessions. That is why it is important to organize your home. While you don’t need to alphabetize your books or organize your closet by colours, it is important to have everything in its place and have that place be somewhere that makes sense to you.

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Karen Spencer

Master Neuro Linguistic Programming (NLP) Practitioner and Coach, Master Time Line Therapy® Practitioner, Master Hypnotherapist

It Can Be Different

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Take Your Power Back In The Digital Age

the digital age Karen Spencer it can be different out of the woods wellness york region - life coaching and nlp services - negative self talk Aurora

Am I addicted to my technology? It’s a question I asked myself the other day. I noticed that I was never without at least one device in my hands. The next question was why is that? And what reaction was it causing in me?

A Social Norm Gone Too Far?

As a society, we are tied to our devices, night and day. When was the last time you saw someone without their phone in their hand? Chiropractors are reporting an elevated rate of patients with neck problems due to the constant head down posture brought on by screen time. Now add on the general stress level of the times we are living in. Life is moving faster than ever before in history. Expected response times to emails have gone down, from a couple of days a decade ago to a couple of minutes today.

Humans can only absorb so much stress before it boils over, turning into anxiety. So, it is vital to learn what your warning signs are and understand your triggers.

Keeping Up with the Social Media Jones’

After recognizing that I was addicted to my technology, I also came to realize that it was a potential anxiety trigger for me. I noticed that when I would look at social media sites I tended to feel ‘less than.’ These feelings quite naturally increased my anxiety.

Recent studies have shown that over fifty-five per cent of people have a negative reaction when looking at pictures of others online. These images evoke feelings of jealousy, envy, low self-esteem and competitiveness. There is also an expectation to keep up with the latest viral sensations and live news reports, to stay ‘in the know.’ This ability to access news about disasters and death twenty-four hours a day easily heightens anxiety.

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Karen Spencer

Master Neuro Linguistic Programming (NLP) Practitioner and Coach, Master Time Line Therapy® Practitioner, Master Hypnotherapist

It Can Be Different

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