Tag Archive for: Worry

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Fear Of Change

fear of change it can be different out of the woods wellness karen spencer aurora - how to deal with anxiety naturally

We are only a few weeks away from the scariest of all nights of the year, Halloween. Although we joke and jest about Halloween, and the traditional acts of scaring others by dressing up as witches and warlocks, fear is not a joking matter for many. Fear is a real and daily demon.

Anxiety is intrinsically linked to our survival instincts. Giving it up seems inconceivable for many that suffer. Most people tell me they want to be less anxious, however when asked what they would like to do to change their anxiety, their response is, “But I hate change.”  What they are really saying is that they want the benefits of change, as long as they don’t have to make the actual changes. For them the fear of change is too great.

Change means that you have to do something new, amend your habits, develop new ways of thinking and create a new way of being. It’s about holding your own hand while you step into the unknown. There are no shortcuts or free passes.  The process requires that you get comfortable with being uncomfortable and with making sacrifices.

So why are we hardwired to be afraid of change even when we recognize that it would be good for us? Why do we fail at change over and over again?  And why do we procrastinate to make the changes that will lead us to a better, more fulfilled life?

Top Excuses that Prevent Change

Here are the top excuses I hear that keep people from moving forward with their lives:

I Will Be Uncomfortable

It is natural to fear discomfort.  It’s hardwired into us.  However, if you want change than you must recognize that you are already uncomfortable with your life, your health, your relationships, your career, or your finances. Moving towards a new way of living is simply about feeling uncomfortable in a different way, so you can get to where you truly want to be. Isn’t it more reasonable to opt for temporary uncomfortableness that will lead to positive changes versus being uncomfortable with a negative aspect of your being for the rest of your life?

I May Not Succeed

The fear of failure permeates all of our society in so many ways. It is wrapped up with feelings of embarrassment, humiliation, or awkwardness. Fear of failure keeps great ideas unfertilized and people stuck in routine and boredom. It takes courage to realize that this fear is irrational and to not bow to its pressure. Where would we be if Thomas Edison had succumbed to the fear of failure and did not attempt to invent the lightbulb over a thousand times! What great ideas are you backing away from because of your fear of failure?

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Karen Spencer

Master Neuro Linguistic Programming (NLP) Practitioner and Coach, Master Time Line Therapy® Practitioner, Master Hypnotherapist

It Can Be Different

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How to Shake Off a Bad Mood

How to Shake Off a Bad Mood and Anxiety releases, Karen Spencer NLP It Can Be Different, Aurora, York Region

Do you ever feel your bad mood is just impossible to shake off?  That it seems as if it has a grip on you and is out of your control?  Positive thinking and affirmations are just not working to move past this bad mood?

Why is this?  Why is it that sometime our moods are resistant to our positive thinking?

Well, there are two components to a mood.  Firstly, there is your thinking, which includes your mental images and self-talk. Secondly, there is your physiology.  By physiology, I do not just mean your posture, but your entire body.  These two components feed each other, and each strengthens the other.  It is like a back and forth relationship.This means that you have to change both your thinking and your physiology to get out of a bad mood

Why Does Positive Thinking Alone Sometimes Just Not Work?

I bet you have heard the saying that you just need to think positive thoughts to get out of a bad mood.  Many of us who want to have a positive outlook and truly believe in the benefits of being positive are spending a lot of time and energy attempting to think positive thoughts as a way to manage our moods.  So, we make sure that we imagine happy encounters, scenarios, outcomes and interactions.  And then we say to ourselves: “cheer up, look on the bright side, there is always a lesson in everything”.

Now if a fairly strong negative mood has a grip on us and it has lasted days or even just hours, then this positive thinking and self-talk is just not going to have much of an impact.  The reason is that the physiology of the mood is too powerful.

That is why, once we recognize that our positive thinking is not working, we often just give up. This allows the negative mood to just keep going.

However, when positive thinking alone is not working, it simply means that we are not going about it in the right way.

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Karen Spencer

Master Neuro Linguistic Programming (NLP) Practitioner and Coach, Master Time Line Therapy® Practitioner, Master Hypnotherapist

It Can Be Different

 

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Worrying is Mental Rehearsal for Failure

Worry, Mental Rehearsal, It Can Be Different, Karen Spencer NLP Aurora York Region

Worrying about an upcoming event, appointment, job interview, presentation, exam or really just about anything is normal. We all do it.  And the more important the event, the more worried we become.

We imagine we will forget things, get lost, mess up our words, look silly, get embarrassed, perform poorly, not get the results we are hoping for…….

As the days to the event gets closer and closer, the worrying becomes more and more intense and vivid. It begins to impede on our daily activities and on our ability to rest and relax.

What we are actually doing is mentally rehearsing failure over and over again.  We are unintentionally programming ourselves for the one thing we don’t want which is to fail.

So What is Mental Rehearsal?

Mental rehearsal is a powerful technique that has been used by sports psychologists and trainers for over 50 years.  It is the process by which you imagine yourself in the future performing or being in a situation.

High performers in sports, performing arts, and business use this technique to up their game and to prepare themselves to ace whatever they are doing.  They mentally rehearse over and over again, refining and perfecting their performance each time.  They are teaching their mind and body what to do when the real-life situation is in front of them.

Worriers use the same technique of mental rehearsal except for the opposite result.  Worriers imagine their performance as not being the best ever, but the worst ever.  Not as getting them closer to their goals and dreams, but to pull themselves down the slope of failure and disaster.

Over and over again they rehearse the event with the results being more and more disastrous.  And each time they do this their body gets into the negative emotions that are related to the imagined poor outcome – sadness, disappointment, anger, embarrassment.

The body isn’t sure if the event is imagined or real, so it responds with all of the stress hormones associated with these negative emotions. It pulls the body into an unhealthy state.

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Karen Spencer

Master Neuro Linguistic Programming (NLP) Practitioner and Coach, Master Time Line Therapy® Practitioner, Master Hypnotherapist

It Can Be Different

 

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It’s Okay to Not Be Okay

Anxiety, It's Okay to Not Be Okay, Karen Spencer NLP It Can Be Different Aurora York Region Out of the Woods Wellness

How accepting are you of the notion that it’s okay to not be okay?

Think about it.  Be honest with yourself.  Initially, you are probably saying something like, “Sure, I can handle not being okay.”  But can you really?  When those days show up and you are dealing with feelings such as sadness, hurt, anger, guilt – what is your reaction?  Is it to push those feelings away and get rid of them as soon as possible?

What if I told you that it’s okay to not be okay?

Well, it’s true.  You don’t have to be totally together all the time – have all the answers, be calm and poised, look glamorous, present yourself as collected, etc.  Trying to keep it together all the time is exhausting and debilitating. It leads to anxiety, nervousness and stress.  It can become a fertile breeding ground for some destructive coping habits and health issues.

So what is the best way to deal with not being okay?

First of all, assess whether or not it is a short-term situation or something that has been going on for a long period of time.  If it is something that you feel will most likely pass, then facing and acknowledging the feelings is the key to handling the situation in a healthy way.  Accept that the feelings are present and that you cannot and should not ignore them. Stillness and being with our emotions can bring forward clues about what is happening in our world. And what we need to feel in that moment.

You Are Not Alone…

Also, recognize that everyone has days during which they don’t feel okay. This means you are not alone and you are not broken.  It is a normal, expected part of living.  Having days of not being okay should never be anything that you are humiliated about.

And here is some good news, having an off day opens up space to take care of yourself, to meet your needs, to receive help and step into solutions that might result in some positive changes.  Be open to the opportunity that is being presented to you and explore with curiosity of what it could bring for you.

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It's Okay to Not Be Okay Karen Spencer NLP Out of the Woods Wellness Aurora

 

Karen Spencer

Master Neuro Linguistic Programming (NLP) Practitioner and Coach, Master Time Line Therapy® Practitioner, Master Hypnotherapist

It Can Be Different

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What Does Anxiety Look Like?

what does anxiety feel like, Karen Spencer NLP, Out of the Woods Wellness Aurora

In this blog, we are going to explore what anxiety looks like, what it feels like, and how it shows up in our lives.  I am talking about anxiety that is not productive.  You know, the kind that keeps you up at night, that stops you in your tracks, that makes you and everyone around you crazy.

This unhealthy anxiety can strike at any moment and usually does.  It sometimes creeps into your life bit by bit, tapping you on the shoulder like a person trying to get your attention.  Or it can barge into your life like a house invader that just broke down the front door.  Throwing things around without regard for your feelings.  Totally unwanted and frightening.

What Does Anxiety Feel Like?

When someone asks me what anxiety feels like, I generally talk about these symptoms.  You can feel panicky, unsure, irritable, jittery, numb.  Sometimes you become hypervigilant.  You can experience headaches, migraines, vomiting, nausea, clammy hands, clenched jaw, panting, trembling, racing heart, inability to speak or think clearly, breathlessness, tight chest or insomnia.  You can start performing repeated patterns such as scratching or picking at yourself and you can develop a sensitivity to light or sound.

Thoughts You Can’t Turn Off

You may also have repetitive thoughts that you cannot turn off, no matter how hard you try.  Random, flittering thoughts that are most likely negative and predict a worse-case scenario.  These thoughts tend to lead from one disaster to another such as “this will happen and then that will happen and then that will cause this to happen.”

These stories that we tell ourselves are vivid and melodramatic with everything that could possibly go wrong occurring all at once.  These stories are always in the future and have nothing to do with the exact moment that we are living in.  Convoluted and detailed, they become ingrained in our current consciousness as if they were actually happening.

All of this thinking and imagining is so easily triggered and yet so very difficult to stop.

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Karen Spencer

Master Neuro Linguistic Programming (NLP) Practitioner and Coach, Master Time Line Therapy® Practitioner, Master Hypnotherapist

It Can Be Different

 

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